The Girl Who Loved the Rain

School sucks, but at the same time, it is the best thing that could have ever happened to me. On one side I'm like, "Hey! I get to meet new people, learn new things, and gain valuable 'real world' experience!" On the other side I'm like, "Oh dear God, why are you doing this to me?"

School provides so much stability and structure, which everyone could use a little more of, however, it prevents me from doing what I truly desire. What is this you ask? Writing. 

Writing is a way of giving me an escape from reality. I can type (or write) for hours on end, yet it will seem as if only minutes passed. A hectic school life combined with a part-time job (which I love) can sometimes prevent me from writing. My motivation can be lost in the waves of equations and papers I have to write, which of course,  limit my incredible creative mind. This past semester has been particularly difficult. Long gone are the days where I can wake up, smell the roses (more like coffee), and gently put my thoughts into action.

Although this problem will most likely stick with me through adulthood, it is something I can fix. I can make more time for myself. How did I come up with this fabulous idea? Let me tell you a little story about a fictional character I dreamt of, then forced myself to write about.

She was drenched. Covered in rain water, her tears were hidden as she walked the rocky path alone. Emptiness was all she felt, which only made her feel more alone. She carefully walked around puddle after puddle, each which only grew larger as she walked down the broken road. Thoughts constantly poured into her mind as she thought of her failure. Everything she loved had been lost and all she felt was empty. All she wanted was to once again, feel fulfilled. Suddenly she stopped as she peered down below her at yet another puddle. Looking at her own reflection, she saw her face. Although the rain covered her pain, she still knew it was there. After what felt like hours of staring, she jumped. Splash! 

Water from the puddle she jumped into flew out in every direction and flowed further down the road. She jumped and tore at this massive puddle until nothing was left but a few drops of water. 

Looking back down, she no longer saw her reflection. Instead, she saw a new beginning. She saw an opportunity to fill this puddle up with water on her own, and rewrite how she would see herself.

The rain halted to a light mist as she looked up at the sky and smiled. The girl dried her face and began her journey back up the path, for she was no longer alone and feeling empty. 

This is a brief encounter I had with a dream, where I realized something. It is up to me to find my motivation to continue doing what I love most. If I let things get in the way of this, I will always have a sense of emptiness. I will always feel that something is missing. Until I take charge, I will always be fighting the world instead of us working together. 

Emptiness is no longer an option, but fulfillment is.

Kany West is A Very Mean Man

Every now and then a lightbulb sparks over my head and I have a feeling that whatever I write will be the most popular post yet.
Then I started to think about my "Kanye West is A (Insert Bad Word Here)" post. Don't worry, I still think he is a (Insert Bad Word Here). But I don't think I justfied the situation. In fact, I think I was too nice, and at one point, stooped down to his level with all of the cursing and whatnot.
I am going to fix this. Today, I am going to be writing "Kanye West is A Very Mean Man."

To do this, I will give a list of valid reasons.

Reason Number 1: The basics. Interrupting Taylor Swift. Why? Just why? Why is it so hard for Kanye to hold his tongue? Right now, I am imagining what Kanye's life would be like if he never pulled that move. People might even like him. He could even have T-Swift fans at his concert.

Reason Number 2: Naming his child "North West." What is she, an airplane? You don't have to give that poor child a name like that. Hell, I have no idea if that baby is a boy or a girl, and with a name like that, (s)he is going to suffer the consequences of Kim and Kanye's emotional relationship. Kanye, believe it or not, there are other names out there that can be both unisex and flattering. Geesh. Get with the program.

Reason Number 3: The sex tape he made with Kim Kardashian. Nope. I am not confusing him with RayJ. Have you seen his music video that Kim is in?! HashtagPORNO. Did he forget he has a child and that one day that child will see it?! And what will (s)he think about that?! That poor North West will be so embarrassed.

Reason Number 4: He thinks that his success and "fame" means that he lives a dangerous life. So dangerous, that he does not understand why those in the military feel that their job is more dangerous than his rap career.

Reason Number 5: Most obviously, he has an attitude problem. I guarantee that if he ever turned to a religion and found peace and turned over a new life and blah, blah, blah, I would not believe him. He is a born liar with some serious tude.

Reason Number 6: He thinks his music is greater than it actually is. I think he is only famous for the songs he is featured in.

• The Bounce by JayZ
• Ni**as in Paris by JayZ
• Swagga Like us By T.I.
• American Boy by Estelle
• Forever by Drake
• Run This Town by JayZ
• Knock You Down by Keri Hilson
• E.T. by Katy Perry

Ok. Maybe he does have a few songs that are decent, but I do not think any of them are as good as the ones he is featured in.

Reason Number 7: He has no soul. He's probably the anti-christ. The picture below speaks for itself.

In conclusion, I think I did a rather decent job at explaining why Kanye West is perhaps, not the best role model for children and should just go hide under a rock with Crazy Kim.

I've Got the Moves Like Jagger

Throughout the past year, I have made it a point to be more conscious of how often I exercise and of making healthier life choices in general. At the end of my last semester, I had one unit open. Opportunity had arisen for me to take a Zumba class on Tuesday nights from 615-730. I thought, what the hell, I can't be the worst dancer in there. It's just a bunch of hip shaking and booty working, mixed in with some arm movement. I would like to clarify that I was in fact the worst dancer in that room, or at least on the top ten list.

Let's being with reason number one why I was awful: lack of coordination. Everyone moves their feet to the left and my hips move left with the class, but my arms and legs are telling a different story. I swear it was like a Footloose parody watching me attempt to gain rhythm in my life. Have you seen that movie Napoleon Dynamite? Do you remember his dance number? Yep. That was me (Napoleon Dance Scene Aka: Madison's Dancing Skills). I wish I were exaggerating. I kid you not when I say that I looked just like Napoleon. Even in the facial expressions. You know, the mouth slightly open as your lower jaw drops and your eyes begin to droop because you're so focused on the moves and keeping up with the teacher and the rest of the class.

This brings me to reason number two: there were mirrors everywhere! You had no where to hide from yourself. I am my own worst distraction. I constantly got distracted looking at my reflection as I am unsuccessfully trying to master the art of Zumba. At some points I looked like a fish out of water, flapping around and gasping for air. When I say this, I don't mean that I was out of breath. I mean that I looked incredibly ridiculous. Let me tell you something. I was the best at being the worst. And my hips don't lie. I know this because I could see them in the mirrors all around me.

The third and final reason as to why I was awful: I should be great. I'm Hispanic. I should have that salsa rhythm and that extra spice when moving. Nope. Definitely didn't happen. I was more like the man in this video: White Man Can't Dance (And Neither Can I). You are going to want to click that link. It honestly is the most accurate description of my skills.

I also had no clue that Zumba included so much jumping. For those of you who don't know me, I have rather large boobs. I wear two sports bras because of this, and I think I might see a third one in my near future. I don't think I can take the pain that my chest had to endure from all that jumping yesterday.

Overall, I had a wonderful time. I think my lack of Zumba experience and rhythm really added some uniqueness to the class, that would otherwise be missing without me there. People in this class should start thanking me. I have blessed them with both entertainment and comical performances for roughly and hour and a half. Every Tuesday night. You're welcome, fellow classmates.

Things that don't make sense to me.

Things that don't make sense to me:


1. I keep seeing all these recipes on Pinterest about "calorie free desserts." Ummm isn't that just a fancy term for water? And what about low calorie-guilt free cupcakes?! Let me tell you something. I don't eat cupcakes very often. So if by chance I decide to eat a damn cupcake, you better believe I'll be eating all the guilt that comes with it.

2. Fruit salad as a dessert option. I can understand if you want something sweet and you are all your dinner but don't want to take in all the sugars of a cake or pie or cookies. That makes sense to me. BUT, if you are out to dinner and you look at the dessert section on the menu and you see a fruit salad, I would run. Run fast. It's a trap.

3. I like eating healthy. I like how I feel refreshed and not like a spud who has been soaking in a deep fryer for the past 45 years. With that being said, I can't stand it when I'm grabbing a bag of lettuce from the grocery store and there is a list of ingredients where I can't even pronounce half of the items listed. Long gone are the days where "spinach, carrots, and mixed greens" were the only words on the ingredient list. AND, if I want the bag that says just that, I have to pay an extra $3. Who do you think I am? I had to look under couch cushions to find the change that paid for the cheap bag of "lettuce." What makes you think I can afford an expensive one??

4. I don't understand why I never hear about certain people getting punched in the face. If I think you're annoying, chances are everyone else will think that too. So why hasn't anyone ever dealt with your annoyance by giving you a little love tap to the face? Someone needs to serve those people a tall glass of fruit punch!

5. Lastly, I don't know why it's been almost a month since I last played Cards Against Humanity. That game is legit. Where else can you sit around a table with your family and read cards out loud that have profanity written all over them and have it all be deemed acceptable? Hashtag, who is coming over next week to play?!
Just kidding, I don't own the game. But I do have Apples to Apples and some popcorn.

Crying in Public Places

1. A little over a month ago my mother convinced me to go with her to take Annoying Stanley to the dog park. Against my true desire to go, I went anyways with the hopes that a free Starbucks would be in my near future (which it was). So here we are, hanging out at the dog park, where apparently Stan has "friends," when this blind dog comes walking up to me. I swear to God the tears immediately began to build. Holding them back, I looked at my mom and said "That's it. If a three-legged dog walks in here, I'm done. There will be water works."
Less than 10 minutes go by when none other than a freaking three-legged dog comes strutting in.
"NO" is what I told myself. "No, I will not cry." Holding back these tears, the owner starts talking to another person saying stuff like, "Yeah, we had to have it amputated about three months ago. She has been doing so well, I'm surprised she still moves as quickly. We are just hoping that we don't have to get rid of the other leg too."
I was done. The tears began to fell and I made my mom take me home. Never again will I go to a dog park. For all I know, the next time I am at that place, a dog that is both missing a limb and bling will waltz in and I just can't handle that shit.
Technically, it was the dogs that made me cry, but I blame her because she made me go.

2. I heard about Batkid while reading up on the news at the mall. On the bright side, when people see you crying you get two things: (1) Walking around, people steer clear of you and (2) people offer special discounts and promotions that you would only get if you had their credit card. Am I proud that I took advantage of my cry fest with special promotions? Yes. Yes I am. Was I still embarrassed? Yes. Yes I was.

3. I should probably stop reading about sad/emotional stories that are on Facebook while I am in public. Far too many times have people asked me if I am ok, when all I did was read about the couple who have been married the longest and put in the Guinness Book of World Records. That couple was the bees knees.  If that doesn't make you cry, you have no soul and probably like Kanye West.

4. This one time I had the flu and couldn't eat for a few days. I got my sister sick, so we remained miserable at her house. When I began to feel a tad bit better, I drove to Jamba Juice in an attempt to get something in my system that didn't require chewing.  You all know I am from Vallejo, so of course I was still in my pajamas. My hair was disheveled and my face paler than usual. It also didn't help that I was wearing no makeup. Anyways, so I get in line and when it is my turn to order, I get the smallest drinks. I pay and wait until my smoothies are ready. My name is called but when I approach the man with the beverages, he hands me two of their largest smoothies!!! And then do you know what he told me!? He said, "You look like you needed an upgrade. Take it easy." He sure did hit me where it hurts. I cried. I bawled. Snot shot out of my nose because I was sick, but it sure didn't help the situation or the looks I was receiving.

I don't like to think of myself as a public crier. I prefer holding it all inside until I'm alone so no one can see me all weak and shit. Unfortunately, there are those extra special moments where my heart is all like, "Just let it all out. You could use a good cry." And my brain isn't paying attention, so of course this means that my heart gets what it wants.

Dear Heart,
You Suck. Stop making me look like an idiot in public. And Brain, as for you, get your shit together. It's your job to stop this kind of stuff from happening.
Sincerely,
Madison

Black Friday Madness

Black Friday is crack cocaine to women everywhere. The worst part is finding the will power to not shop for yourself. Here is an example: There were three pairs of jeans I desperately needed from Old Navy. When I say desperate, I mean I just wanted them the way I child wants candy on Halloween. On Black Friday, they were 50% off! Who passes up a deal like that!? I got to the mall, ran straight for Old Navy, and snatched up two of the three pairs, convincing myself that I would regret not purchasing them. As I held up the jeans in the air in an AHA! moment, my face suddenly fell. Well shit. I told myself I would do no personal shopping, yet here I was, being all self involved. So, I set the jeans back on the table, shrugged my shoulders, and began looking for a vest for my sister (which was no where to be found). This wasn't even the worst part of my mall experience. As I walked out of Old Navy, I had to pass by all my favorite stores, like Express, H&M, and Forever 21.

The second worst part is dealing with people. People are so annoying. Here is my experiece at Macys: So I walk in this store and am immediately overwhelmed by the shoe sections. My eyes light up as I walk towards some boots on sale for $19.99, but then I am once again reminded by my conscience that I am not shopping for myself. Anyways, my mom and I walk over to get a secret Christmas present for a secret person. I am standing behing one other person with another two people at each register. Would anyone like to know how long I stood in line? 30 MINUTES. There was only ONE other person in front of me at the front of the line, and it took 30 MINUTES. These women at the register do not know how to shop! They had the cashiers price check each item, tell them how much they were saving, and then even go get them more of that same item! Who needs six flower-patterned jeans that cost $79.99 on sale!? Women who don't know how to shop, that's who!

The last part I hate about Black Friday is that it doesn't even start on Friday anymore. This thing is getting too out of hand. Too many people are skipping Thanksgiving, a day of thanks, to stand in line for an electronic item that you probably already own. I am not against good deals and bargains, but when you take away a holiday in place of two days of "entire store 50% off" and "doorbuster" deals, I think that the line that was drawm has officially been passed. People use excuses like, "Well, I think we should be thankful all year long, and not just one day out of the year." Yes, you are correct, but are you being thankful by pushing and shoving to get the last cell phone, when you have a perfectly good one in your back pocket?

Thanksgiving is a fantastic holiday. You get to wear your stretchy pants and dig in to turkey and sweet potatoes like there is no tomorrow. You get to spend it with the people who mean the most to you and take the time to remember what you are thankful for. It doesn't mean that you aren't thankful any other day out of the year. It just means that you are reminded why you are thankful. Black Friday should be on Friday and Thankgiving should be on Thursday. There should also be some sort of rule that says you can't line up outside a store until at least 9pm at the earliest on Thanksgiving. I'm just saying, I am getting real tired of these stores opening earlier and earlier every year.

Things I Discovered While on I-5

1. Old people always use hangers instead of suitcases. I swear, the backseats of their cars were full of them!
2. People with trailers get their trucks to match. I can't tell you how many trucks I saw with red pinstripes down the length of it, just so it could match with the trailer they were lugging behind them.
3. Most families have portable dvd players. We were included in this category (we watched Lady and the Tramp about six times).
4. Cow farms smell, like really bad. In the words of little Rowan: It smells like poop! POOOOOP!!!
5. Red vines are too expensive at the rest stops. Let's just say they cost more than $2 and you only get like 5 of them. Now that is just a sin.
6. Good moms pack snacks. We had cookies, and capri suns, and more cookies. It was awesome.
7. People still do litter pick up in the middle of nowhere. There was a man about an hour past Harris Ranch just doing his thing and picking up trash on the side of the road.
8. Rowan does in fact get car sick. We were in the midst of the grapevine around 8pm when Rowan began screaming at the top of his lungs, then proceeded to vomit. EVERYWHERE. I was horrified.
9. I hate the sounds of children screaming. Below is a picture to prove my point.

10. During the drive, I often forgot where I was. I just started looking around and all I saw were hills. Like, everywhere. 

As a bonus point, I would also like to mention that Caden slept through all of Rowan's episode. By episode, I mean from the beginning of his screaming at the grapevine, through his vomiting everywhere, through us pulling over and cleaning him up, and finally, all the way to my brother's house. What a trooper.