Crying in Public Places

1. A little over a month ago my mother convinced me to go with her to take Annoying Stanley to the dog park. Against my true desire to go, I went anyways with the hopes that a free Starbucks would be in my near future (which it was). So here we are, hanging out at the dog park, where apparently Stan has "friends," when this blind dog comes walking up to me. I swear to God the tears immediately began to build. Holding them back, I looked at my mom and said "That's it. If a three-legged dog walks in here, I'm done. There will be water works."
Less than 10 minutes go by when none other than a freaking three-legged dog comes strutting in.
"NO" is what I told myself. "No, I will not cry." Holding back these tears, the owner starts talking to another person saying stuff like, "Yeah, we had to have it amputated about three months ago. She has been doing so well, I'm surprised she still moves as quickly. We are just hoping that we don't have to get rid of the other leg too."
I was done. The tears began to fell and I made my mom take me home. Never again will I go to a dog park. For all I know, the next time I am at that place, a dog that is both missing a limb and bling will waltz in and I just can't handle that shit.
Technically, it was the dogs that made me cry, but I blame her because she made me go.

2. I heard about Batkid while reading up on the news at the mall. On the bright side, when people see you crying you get two things: (1) Walking around, people steer clear of you and (2) people offer special discounts and promotions that you would only get if you had their credit card. Am I proud that I took advantage of my cry fest with special promotions? Yes. Yes I am. Was I still embarrassed? Yes. Yes I was.

3. I should probably stop reading about sad/emotional stories that are on Facebook while I am in public. Far too many times have people asked me if I am ok, when all I did was read about the couple who have been married the longest and put in the Guinness Book of World Records. That couple was the bees knees.  If that doesn't make you cry, you have no soul and probably like Kanye West.

4. This one time I had the flu and couldn't eat for a few days. I got my sister sick, so we remained miserable at her house. When I began to feel a tad bit better, I drove to Jamba Juice in an attempt to get something in my system that didn't require chewing.  You all know I am from Vallejo, so of course I was still in my pajamas. My hair was disheveled and my face paler than usual. It also didn't help that I was wearing no makeup. Anyways, so I get in line and when it is my turn to order, I get the smallest drinks. I pay and wait until my smoothies are ready. My name is called but when I approach the man with the beverages, he hands me two of their largest smoothies!!! And then do you know what he told me!? He said, "You look like you needed an upgrade. Take it easy." He sure did hit me where it hurts. I cried. I bawled. Snot shot out of my nose because I was sick, but it sure didn't help the situation or the looks I was receiving.

I don't like to think of myself as a public crier. I prefer holding it all inside until I'm alone so no one can see me all weak and shit. Unfortunately, there are those extra special moments where my heart is all like, "Just let it all out. You could use a good cry." And my brain isn't paying attention, so of course this means that my heart gets what it wants.

Dear Heart,
You Suck. Stop making me look like an idiot in public. And Brain, as for you, get your shit together. It's your job to stop this kind of stuff from happening.
Sincerely,
Madison

Black Friday Madness

Black Friday is crack cocaine to women everywhere. The worst part is finding the will power to not shop for yourself. Here is an example: There were three pairs of jeans I desperately needed from Old Navy. When I say desperate, I mean I just wanted them the way I child wants candy on Halloween. On Black Friday, they were 50% off! Who passes up a deal like that!? I got to the mall, ran straight for Old Navy, and snatched up two of the three pairs, convincing myself that I would regret not purchasing them. As I held up the jeans in the air in an AHA! moment, my face suddenly fell. Well shit. I told myself I would do no personal shopping, yet here I was, being all self involved. So, I set the jeans back on the table, shrugged my shoulders, and began looking for a vest for my sister (which was no where to be found). This wasn't even the worst part of my mall experience. As I walked out of Old Navy, I had to pass by all my favorite stores, like Express, H&M, and Forever 21.

The second worst part is dealing with people. People are so annoying. Here is my experiece at Macys: So I walk in this store and am immediately overwhelmed by the shoe sections. My eyes light up as I walk towards some boots on sale for $19.99, but then I am once again reminded by my conscience that I am not shopping for myself. Anyways, my mom and I walk over to get a secret Christmas present for a secret person. I am standing behing one other person with another two people at each register. Would anyone like to know how long I stood in line? 30 MINUTES. There was only ONE other person in front of me at the front of the line, and it took 30 MINUTES. These women at the register do not know how to shop! They had the cashiers price check each item, tell them how much they were saving, and then even go get them more of that same item! Who needs six flower-patterned jeans that cost $79.99 on sale!? Women who don't know how to shop, that's who!

The last part I hate about Black Friday is that it doesn't even start on Friday anymore. This thing is getting too out of hand. Too many people are skipping Thanksgiving, a day of thanks, to stand in line for an electronic item that you probably already own. I am not against good deals and bargains, but when you take away a holiday in place of two days of "entire store 50% off" and "doorbuster" deals, I think that the line that was drawm has officially been passed. People use excuses like, "Well, I think we should be thankful all year long, and not just one day out of the year." Yes, you are correct, but are you being thankful by pushing and shoving to get the last cell phone, when you have a perfectly good one in your back pocket?

Thanksgiving is a fantastic holiday. You get to wear your stretchy pants and dig in to turkey and sweet potatoes like there is no tomorrow. You get to spend it with the people who mean the most to you and take the time to remember what you are thankful for. It doesn't mean that you aren't thankful any other day out of the year. It just means that you are reminded why you are thankful. Black Friday should be on Friday and Thankgiving should be on Thursday. There should also be some sort of rule that says you can't line up outside a store until at least 9pm at the earliest on Thanksgiving. I'm just saying, I am getting real tired of these stores opening earlier and earlier every year.

Things I Discovered While on I-5

1. Old people always use hangers instead of suitcases. I swear, the backseats of their cars were full of them!
2. People with trailers get their trucks to match. I can't tell you how many trucks I saw with red pinstripes down the length of it, just so it could match with the trailer they were lugging behind them.
3. Most families have portable dvd players. We were included in this category (we watched Lady and the Tramp about six times).
4. Cow farms smell, like really bad. In the words of little Rowan: It smells like poop! POOOOOP!!!
5. Red vines are too expensive at the rest stops. Let's just say they cost more than $2 and you only get like 5 of them. Now that is just a sin.
6. Good moms pack snacks. We had cookies, and capri suns, and more cookies. It was awesome.
7. People still do litter pick up in the middle of nowhere. There was a man about an hour past Harris Ranch just doing his thing and picking up trash on the side of the road.
8. Rowan does in fact get car sick. We were in the midst of the grapevine around 8pm when Rowan began screaming at the top of his lungs, then proceeded to vomit. EVERYWHERE. I was horrified.
9. I hate the sounds of children screaming. Below is a picture to prove my point.

10. During the drive, I often forgot where I was. I just started looking around and all I saw were hills. Like, everywhere. 

As a bonus point, I would also like to mention that Caden slept through all of Rowan's episode. By episode, I mean from the beginning of his screaming at the grapevine, through his vomiting everywhere, through us pulling over and cleaning him up, and finally, all the way to my brother's house. What a trooper.