Actually, even if you are a returning viewer, just reread them again. You will probably do one of two things once you click on a link:
1. You will laugh hysterically at everything I write. You will shred tears and your heart may even stop because you can no longer breathe.
2. Fear me. My words are very strong.
Today's blog is actually going to be an epic recap of almost everything I have written about. Along with this, I'll let you know if I still stand by my words (just so you know, I stand by everything I write).
- Let's begin with one of my crazier posts, specific the piece I wrote about Kanye West. Yes, I still hate him. My post titled Kanye West is A Very Mean Man is a classic. It describes my hate for him with the utmost class I can offer to someone who names their child NORTH. Tell me Kanye, will your next child be named South? Will the middle name be East? Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't name his child after him, like Lil Kanye or something. Then again, he is too much of a self-centered jerk to ever feel that someone else can represent his name other than himself. Oh well, the less Kanyes in the world, the better.
- Hey, remember that time I wrote about Vallejo? That was hilarious! It was also my most popular post! Do you want to know something else? Vallejo has not changed. In fact, I think it has gotten even crazier. Don't believe me? Check out the photos below.
Dick Bass was a former Vallejo athletic celebrity. This field was a place where he once played and was dedicated to him. Some residents in Vallejo thought that renaming the sign to Dick Ass was more fitting, however, I find it tasteless and depressing.
This is a picture of a young man dressed as a Pokemon character of some sort. His hair is almost as long as mine (more than a foot in length), it is gelled straight up in the air, and he confidently remained in character the entire time he was inside Target. Just another day grocery shopping for us Vallejoans. Overall, every store in Vallejo has a handful of people who dress and act as if they are in a Walmart.
This last picture is of a person driving a tractor throughout Vallejo (at the corner of Redwood and Tuolumne). Yes, you read my words correctly. a tractor! When I finally took this picture, it wasn't the first time I had seen him. He is a regular on these streets.
- What about the time I wrote a letter to Mindy Kaling?! She is still at the top of my top ten celebrities I would like to meet. Mindy, if you're reading this, hook it up!
- Another topic I tend to touch on a lot are the thoughts that go through my mind while at school and work. These were thoughts that include:
- Why is it called a kidney if it isn't in your knee?
- If I wore Christmas clothes all year round, would anyone notice?
- How do people function on drugs?
- What about that time I wrote about things that don't make sense to me, like Calorie-free desserts or fruit salad as a dessert option at a restaurant. I just don't get it!
- The last thing I wanted to touch on has to do with the mystery of the pumpkin pancake. In honor of it being pumpkin season, I would like to touch on the fact that since this incident, I have not set the fire to the living room floor, nor have I dreamt of those delicious pumpkin deliciousnesses. The dream gods must have punished me for burning a pillow into the ground, but hey, I was dreaming and it was an accident. Everyone makes mistakes! I blame the NyQuil.
As for the rest of the posts I have made, like the ones where customers say inappropriate/ weird things to me, it still happens. Just the other day, this is the conversation I had:
Older Man: There are two things I love in life at my age, and this shepherd's pie is number two.
Me: What is number one?
(I should have known better than to ask)
Older Man: *winks and smiles*
I think we both know what number one is
(Chuckles loudly and walks away).
At the end of each day, I am entirely grateful for my blog. It is my sweet escape from the real world and I don't have to worry about all the haters.
Thank you for reading!
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