Stanley wasn't always annoying. He actually used to be kinda cute. Step inside my Delorean and let me take you back in time to July of this year (I absofreakinlutely love Back to the Future, but that is a story for another day...also, yes. I did see this in a Target parking lot).
So here I was, driving Precious (my car) home from the gas station, when my phone began to ring. Being the responsible driver that I am, and seeing that it was my mom (sorry mom I love you), I decided that answering her call was probably not a safe option while driving. I spent the next five minutes driving home.
Upon my arrival at home, I looked back at my phone to discover I had six missed calls, two voicemails, and seven texts, all of which were from my mom. Guilt began to flood over me as it hit me that someone could have been in an accident.
Staying in my car in case I needed to drive to the hospital, I called my mom back. Here is how the conversation went:
Me: Mom! Is everything ok?
Mom: No, everything is not ok! Why weren't you answering your phone! What if someone got hurt!?
Me: Wait, so no one got hurt?
Mom: No. There is a dog at the preschool and he won't leave. I need you to take him to the vet and see if he is chipped. Then take him home and we will keep him until his owners come get him.
Me: Seriously. This is why you were harassing my phone?
Mom: JUST DO IT.
(She then hung up on me)
I let out a long and huffy sigh as I drove to her preschool to pick up the dog.
So flash foreword and here I am, wondering what kind of dog it is and what I should name it, when in reality, he probably has an owner who is frantically searching for him.
I walk inside the preschool and I lay eyes on the ugliest dog I have ever seen. His ears reminded me of either The Flying Nun or Dumbo. He had these half eyebrows that looked like baby caterpillars were glued on his face. And don't even get me started on his collar. It was this hideous bedazzled cat collar that he probably outgrew three months before his "owners" even put it on him.
He was so ugly that he was cute. I named him PePe (as in PePe Le Pew) and this is what he looked like:
Look at those legs. He's like one big muscle.
Anyways, so PePe wasn't chipped and he started annoying me. He barked at his reflection when walking towards the back door. He brought raccoons into the house. He stole my bras (I still haven't figured out how he got them). He looked at me funny. Basically, he pissed me the fuck off.
After three days, I decided that his owners would be calling for him any day and that I shouldn't get attached. Instead of calling him PePe, I started calling him "Dog."Here is a little note for all of you out there. Calling him "Dog" pisses my mom off. She told me that if I wasn't going to him by PePe, or Peter, or Frank, or Bob (other names I gave him) that I shouldn't say anything at all.
Two whole weeks flew by and I said not a word to "Dog." So here I am, sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy and my mom walks in and is all like "I'm adopting Stanley in two weeks."
All I could think to say was "Who the fuck is Stanley?!?!"
She looked at me like I was a crackhead who put ketchup in my hair instead of shampoo and I wasn't even in the shower. Ya know? Anyways, so I'm looking at Stanley and all I could think of is, "But he is sooooo annoying. Can't we exchange him?"
Long story short, we ended up keeping the shit head. His name is Annoying Stanley. Sometimes when he really pisses me off, I draw eyebrows on him, like in the pictures below.
Also, I like to dress him up in halloween costumes. Eventually, I am going to get him a turtleneck. Maybe a zip up hoodie as well.
My mother officially adopted Annoying Stanley. To this day, he is still annoying. For instance, he peed on a toy hammer at my sister's house today, ate a toy screw, and bit my foot. But I guess since he looks cute as a pumpkin and as spider-dog, I'll allow my mother to keep him....for now.
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